Time for a serious chat. We all know the drill. It’s nothing but butterflies and rainbows until all of a sudden, something changes. If not you, please think of someone you who know may show ANY of the following signs, as they may be in the midst of an unhealthy relationship —
1. You hesitate to share information with them. Your day, your problems, your heartaches and rants, your good news — you should be able to share all of the above with your partner without worrying about what they will say or how they will react.
2. You always end up apologizing. Do you argue, and somehow, you always end up feeling all the guilt? The impossibility your partner has accepting that they have, or may have, done something wrong, is a key sign of abuse. You should never go into a conversation wanting to ‘talk’ about things, and end up apologizing because they ‘cannot believe you think that way about them,’ or some other manipulative excuse.
3. People who care about you disapprove. Your mom is usually right, guys. And your best friend 9 times out of 10 does not intend to break up your relationship maliciously. They want what is best for you.
4. You cry — a lot. Getting stressed out about a relationship is pretty normal, but if crying becomes a monthly, weekly, or DAILY thing, then it is time to think about the negative outweighing the positive.
5. You do things because you feel obligated to. When hanging out, and doing nice gestures becomes a chore rather than something you love doing, chances are it may not be reciprocal and hence the obligatory feelings.
6. They discourage you from doing things you love.
7. Sex doesn’t feel the same. I said it — sex. Sex is a big thing in a relationship, but guess what… it feels right with the right person. It could be a little as sex starting to hurt, or as big as feeling forced.. But sexual discomfort is a sign that you are feeling less and less comfortable with your partner. When shared with people you care about, or at least comfortable with, sex can be wonderful. However, your body knows when your mind subconsciously doesn’t want it. Respect that intuition.
9. You feel lonely, even if you’re right beside them.
10. Physical violence. Pushing, dirty looks, hitting, aggressive ‘nudging’, kicking, anything.
11. They constantly remind you lucky you are to have them. If they really are a catch, they won’t have to tell you that ‘you’re lucky.’ You’ll know you’re lucky.
12. They are possessive, and pass it off as ‘caring too much.’ This can be anywhere from your partner always wanting to know where you are, getting angry when you do not respond to a text as soon as possible, or questioning you/ saying “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
13. You begin to seek assurance elsewhere. Instead of feeling guilt, ask yourself why you are seeking for confidence and attention in other activities or people, before you do something you may regret.
If you are feeling threatened by your partner, or are even just doubting the relationship, please think very hard about what the relationship brings out in you both as individuals. I can’t put the link to your best friends number, but I wish I could. Reach out and speak up! As well, here are some helpful links:
On ‘revenge porn’.
Abusive relationship hotline.
Counselling at Brock.